05 April 2011

the green-eyed monster

If I ever check out this one friend's wall on facebook I can't help but feel jealous and insecure. She's beautiful, successful, has way fewer kids than me (so her life is obviously easier than mine (that was sarcasm, if you didn't know)), is skinnier than me, has more money than me...I'm sure I can come up with more.

It's ridiculous, I know. It's juvenile, I know. It's like she makes me feel like I'm back in high school again with all those "Am I good/cool/skinny enough?" thoughts. I hate it. I have actually outgrown those insecurities. (Thank you, God!) But for some reason this one person drags it all back up again. The crazy part is that I'm completely aware of how skewed online personas can be, since most people only report the rosy everything's-going-good stuff. I know that everyone has crap they have to deal with and everyone has different strengths. We really can't compare ourselves since God made us all with unique purposes. That knowledge is all up in my head, but when she's on the screen, I can't feel it in my heart. So what to do?

Right now it's blaringly obvious to me that I need to get some Divine help. If anyone can get this ridiculousness sorted, it's Him.

And why did I even post this for the world to see? Ummm...the good answer is "If it just helps one person, it's worth it." Yeah, right. But the real answer is, "I just had to get off facebook because of her and I'm tired and should be in bed and felt like posting some honest/transparent stuff."

Nitey nite.

14 comments:

Kallie said...

In case you wondered you are not the only one that feels this way. As silly as it is I get caught up in the "she is a way better mom than me" "she has is all figured out" "if I just had her life" It makes me feel silly, but I can't seem to help it! Glad I am not the only one :) Kallie

Tricia said...

thanks for letting me know, kallie. i really appreciate it.(misery loves company, right?) ;-)

Nancy Crowley said...

hide her posts. just don't go there. we set ourselves up for this kind of self abuse

Tricia said...

nancy, i think you're right. i'm the type that wants to find some sort of push-through-it solution, but i think until i do, avoidance is probably the healthiest choice.

Whitney Marie Salch said...

I am like this too. Especially since I had my first child last year and became a stay at home mom. I don't have the job I thought I would or the body I once had and sometimes I get the big green eyed monster but I try to stop and remember all the amazing things I have. <3

Tricia said...

i'm a stay-at-home mom too and it's so easy to feel that "I'm JUST a housewife" feeling. but you're right, whitney, should i be focusing on what i don't have or the incredible blessings i do? it's all about our perspective, i'm realizing.

Charmante said...

You don't need to be a stay-at-home mom or wife to feel this way, trust me!

XOXO Dr. Kay Elizabeth said...

I agree with Charmante! I think everyone does it at some point, you just have to know that you're fabulous and awesome on your own. When people don't compare themselves to others, they feel less competition or the need for it. Stay focused on you because sometimes there are only certain things for us and we never know what someone had to go through to get to where they are or the decisions they had to make. Stay focused on God and everything else fails in comparison. :) Don't look at the prosperity of the wicked is a great scripture to read. (not saying that your friend is wicked, just the passage of scripture is great for times like these.)

Joseph Gregory said...

Hide her post! That's good advice.
We have the power to control how we feel, don't forget that!

Rachel Medlin said...

okay i will know if you hide my post . . . lol. . . i know that my shapely body, my amazingly well behaved few children, and my never-ending supply of money cause you issues, but . . . I WANNA BE YOUR FRIEND!!!!

Ok seriously, I know that it's hard not to compare yourself to others, but know this - You are one of the most amazing people I know, and if it helps sometimes I get facebook jealous of you :)

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crobl005 said...

I also had to delete my facebook account for similar reasons, I used to think of facebook as something silly for college students, and then it became something transcendental that was actually putting a lot pressure in my life. I was starting to feel self conscious about my pics there, and uncomfortable with some of the messages, apparently good intentioned messages that people were writing to me, and things like that.
It was good for some things, but at the end I started valuing my privacy and peace of mind more. Besides you don't want to be comparing yourself with anyone, because appeareances really are very deceiving. Good luck ;)

Tricia said...

all of your comments are amazing! i had no idea my post would strike such a common cord. (i'm so grateful it did.) there is a certain relief knowing that i'm not "the only one." thank you for your bits of wisdom everyone.

Stephanie Krause said...

somehow missed this when you initially wrote it...just have to agree with others...we ALL have a green-eyed (or blue or brown...) monster! One of my high school teachers told me years ago, "There will always be betters, and there will always be worsers!" Idea being...only compare yourself to yourself. Isn't it so easy to get trapped by our thoughts into a box of thinking their life is "greener"?! Just wanted you to know...we all understand! Thanks for putting it into words for us!